The Question That Broke the Internet
You know the internet loves a new label. But when Google revealed that the most searched sex question of 2024 was “What is autosexual?”—it wasn’t just clickbait curiosity. It was proof that millions of people were quietly asking themselves the same thing: Why do I feel more turned on by myself than by anyone else?
The word exploded into pop culture when Kourtney Kardashian casually dropped it years ago, but the reason it still trends is way deeper than a celebrity headline. It taps into something most of us secretly wonder: Is my self-love weird, or is it valid?
Here’s the truth—autosexuality isn’t narcissism, and it’s not just a meme. It’s a real orientation that’s forcing us to rethink how attraction, intimacy, and identity work. But to understand why it’s catching so much attention, we’ve got to peel back the layers of psychology, stigma, and lived experience.
And that’s where the stories get real.
Personal Story: “I Thought Something Was Wrong With Me”
Let’s talk about Maya (not her real name). She grew up in a culture where relationships were the gold standard of self-worth. High school crushes, prom dates, the endless pressure to “find your person.” But while her friends were gushing over boys, Maya was more interested in her reflection.
At first, she chalked it up to being “shy” or “picky.” But the truth was harder to face—she didn’t fantasize about other people. Her deepest, most intense attraction was directed inward. When she imagined love, intimacy, and desire, she was the star of her fantasies.
Cue the internal conflict:
- Was she selfish?
- Was something broken inside her?
- Would anyone ever understand?
“Maya turned to dating in her 20s, hoping romantic relationships could ‘fix’ her.” The relationships looked fine on the outside, but inside she felt disconnected—going through the motions without the spark she felt when she was alone. The anxious part of her screamed, You’re unlovable. The avoidant side whispered, Maybe you don’t even need anyone.
Her turning point came one night, scrolling through TikTok. A creator casually explained the term autosexual—and suddenly the shame she’d carried for years cracked open. For the first time, she wasn’t broken. She had a name.
Understanding Autosexuality
1. What Autosexuality Really Means
Autosexuality describes a sexual orientation centered on experiencing one’s primary sexual attraction inwardly, toward the self. Individuals with this orientation remain capable of forming loving bonds, dating, and maintaining relationships with others. It simply means their deepest sexual spark is directed inward.
This is different from:
- Narcissism → a personality disorder rooted in a lack of empathy and excessive admiration-seeking.
- Autoeroticism → the act of self-stimulation (masturbation), which is a behavior, not an identity.
- Autoromanticism → being romantically attracted to oneself, which may or may not overlap with autosexuality.
Autosexuality = orientation, not pathology.
2. Why It’s Trending Now
Its virality mirrors contemporary culture—dominated by selfie curation, TikTok edits, and the perpetual performance of identity online. Psychologists suggest that social platforms amplify self-awareness—and with it, self-attraction.
But more importantly, Gen Z isn’t afraid to claim labels that older generations never had language for. Where Millennials asked, “Is this normal?” Gen Z says, “This is who I am.”
3. The Psychology Behind Self-Attraction
From a biological lens, sexual arousal is tied to dopamine and oxytocin—the “feel-good” neurotransmitters. When someone feels safe, desired, and seen, these chemicals spike. For autosexuals, their own image and fantasies trigger that cycle more powerfully than external partners.
In attachment theory terms, this sometimes overlaps with avoidant tendencies (pulling inward rather than outward). But labeling it as dysfunction misses the point. For many, autosexuality is less about fear of intimacy and more about authenticity of desire.
4. Signs You Might Be Autosexual
While every person’s experience is unique, trending quizzes and checklists online often highlight these patterns:
- You find solo sex more fulfilling than partnered sex.
- You star as the “main character” in most of your fantasies.
- Your reflection, photos, or even videos of yourself spark arousal.
- You date or connect romantically, but sexual attraction to others feels muted.
These aren’t rules, just recurring signs. Some people fall fully into the identity, while others experience it as part of a broader spectrum.
5. Busting the Biggest Myths
- Myth #1: “Autosexuals can’t be in relationships.” → False. Many are happily partnered, balancing their identity with intimacy.
- Myth #2: “It’s the same as being asexual.” → Not quite. Autosexuality exists both within and beyond the asexual spectrum; some individuals identify with both, while others do not. Myth #3: “It’s just vanity.” → Attraction is not the same as admiring your looks. It’s a deep orientation, not a selfie habit.
6. Why It Matters in Today’s Dating Landscape
In a world that glorifies coupledom, people like Maya struggle with invisibility. If society can barely handle singlehood, imagine how it reacts to someone who says, “I’m sexually attracted to myself.” Yet, acknowledging autosexuality validates countless people who’ve lived with shame for simply being who they are.
And that’s the point: giving language to identity doesn’t limit love—it expands it.
Living With the Label, or Without It
So here’s the deal: once you realize you might be autosexual, the question becomes—what do you do with that knowledge? Do you tell people? Do you keep it to yourself? Do you try to change? Spoiler: there’s no single right answer. But there are paths that people before you have walked, and each one comes with its own lessons.
Owning It Out Loud
Some people decide, “Yep, this is me. I’m not embarrassed, and I’m not hiding it.” That can look like telling friends, a partner, or even posting about it online. Owning it out loud can feel freeing, almost like you’re putting down a heavy backpack you didn’t realize you were carrying.
But, fair warning—society still throws side-eye. Some people will confuse it with narcissism, or they’ll laugh because they don’t understand. If you go this route, you need a little armor. A script helps, too:
“For me, self-attraction doesn’t mean I can’t connect with others. It just means I experience intimacy differently.”
Having those words ready can stop you from fumbling when the awkward questions come.
Keeping It Close to the Chest
Choosing not to act as an ambassador or educator for one’s identity is a valid personal choice. Some folks keep it private—maybe a partner knows, maybe nobody does. And that’s okay. Privacy is not shame; it’s simply a boundary.
This path can protect your peace if you’re not ready for debates or stereotypes. If you go this way, it helps to journal or connect anonymously in online spaces where people get it. Sometimes, just hearing “same here” from strangers on Reddit or Discord is enough to make you feel less like a glitch in the matrix.
Staying Curious, Not Boxed In
Here’s the part nobody says out loud: labels are tools, not prisons. You can try on “autosexual” today and let it go tomorrow. Human sexuality is messy, fluid, and doesn’t always stick to the categories we invent for it.
If you wake up one day and realize your self-attraction coexists with a desire for others, that doesn’t erase the label—it just adds layers to who you are. As one psych professor from Northwestern once put it, “Identity is more like a playlist than a single track. It changes as you do.”
- Journal, but don’t censor yourself. Write about moments you felt most comfortable in your own skin. Over time, patterns show up.
- Consume content that normalizes it. Podcasts, TikToks, articles—when you hear others naming what you feel, shame fades.
- If you’re partnered, be transparent. No, you don’t have to give them a TED Talk. But hiding it long-term creates distance. Simple honesty beats confusion later.
- Therapy if it feels heavy. Not because being autosexual is a “problem,” but because unpacking how society treats difference is exhausting.
FAQs
Q: Is autosexuality the same as being asexual?
No. Asexuality is little or no sexual attraction toward others. Autosexuality is attraction to oneself, though the two can overlap.
Q: Does it mean I can’t love someone else?
Not at all. Many autosexual people date, marry, and have families. Self-attraction doesn’t cancel out connection.
Q: How do I know if it’s narcissism or autosexuality?
Narcissism is about ego and needing constant validation. Autosexuality is about attraction, which is internal and personal. They’re not the same.
Q: Should I tell a partner about it?
If the relationship is serious, yes. It builds trust. Frame it as part of your identity, not a wall between you.
Q: Can it change over time?
Absolutely. Like all sexuality, it can shift. You don’t have to “prove” consistency to anyone.
Closing Thoughts
Here’s the thing: whether you claim the label or not, you’re not broken. You’re not weird. You’re just human, wired in a way that most people don’t talk about yet.
If anything, autosexuality might be a reminder that intimacy starts with the self.
Author’s Note
I’ve spent years listening to stories of people who felt “different” in love and intimacy. Every time, the pattern is the same: what felt like isolation at first ended up being a doorway into self-acceptance. If you’re wrestling with autosexuality, know this—you don’t have to have it all figured out today.
Soft CTA
If this resonates with you, explore deeper. Try journaling with prompts like “When do I feel most at home in myself?”. Or, if you want guided support, check out therapy platforms like Better Help or self-love books like The Body Is Not an Apology.