Because sometimes love doesn’t heal — it haunts. I knew it wasn’t love the night I cried myself to sleep…
…and he asked if I could keep it down. Not because he was concerned about my pain — but because he had a game to watch. That’s the night I stopped being a person and became… background noise. Ever ask yourself, “How did I get here?” Where (Toxic) love feels like walking on broken glass, just to hear someone say “I love you” through gritted teeth? Yeah. Me too. This isn’t love. It’s emotional warfare in disguise.
Let’s be real — toxic love isn’t always loud. Sometimes it’s silent treatment and soft threats.
Other times, it’s compliments with knives in them. I once had a client say: “He made me feel like I was the problem — even when he cheated. I ended up apologizing for not being enough.” God. That sentence still makes my stomach turn. Because we’ve all been there — over-explaining, over-apologizing, over-loving…
Just to keep someone who was already halfway out the door. Here’s what toxic love does to your mental health:
- Anxiety becomes your new normal
Every text. Every delay. Every unread message feels like you did something wrong. - Depression starts whispering lies
That you’re unlovable. Too much. Not enough.
It’s not heartbreak. It’s emotional erosion. - You disassociate from yourself
Ever feel like you’re watching your life from outside your body?
That’s your mind protecting you from reality. That’s trauma. - Hypervigilance kicks in
You start reading people’s faces like a survival manual.
You become an emotional detective.
Toxic relationships don’t just break your heart — they rewire your brain.
Let’s talk about your self-worth — and how they poisoned it.
If you’re wondering why you stayed… It’s because your inner child still believes they have to earn love by suffering for it. You didn’t fall in love. You got trauma-bonded. You started confusing chaos for chemistry. You kept believing, “If I just love them harder, maybe they’ll finally stop causing me pain.” But read that again. That’s not love — that’s self-abandonment. Here’s what toxic love does to your self-worth:
- You lose track of who you were before them
You used to laugh freely, without wondering if it bothered someone.
You used to wear red lipstick — and wear it with confidence, not caution. - You shrink to stay safe
You stop sharing opinions. You stop dressing for yourself.
You become a ghost version of you. - You start believing you deserved it
The worst part of emotional abuse?
It convinces you that you’re the reason they yelled, cheated, controlled.
But the truth? You were never too needy. You were simply asking for the basics — the bare minimum of respect and care. You were never too sensitive. You were just responding to someone else’s cruelty. And healing? It’s not some magical sunrise moment. It’s waking up in the dark, again and again, and reminding yourself: I don’t deserve to hurt like this.
You were never difficult to love — they just didn’t know how. They were too broken to try. No, I can’t promise it gets easier tomorrow. But I can promise: This pain? It’s not proof you’re unlovable. It’s proof you were loving the wrong person too hard.
Affirmations for Detoxing from Toxic Love
- I am not responsible for the way they treated me.
- I deserve soft love. Safe love. Real love.
- I am healing — not for them, but for the version of me who forgot her worth.
- I am not hard to love. I was just loving someone emotionally unavailable.
- My pain has meaning, but it does not determine who I am.
when are you in a toxic love relationship
How do I know if my relationship was toxic or just difficult?
A: Healthy relationships still have conflict — but they don’t leave you anxious, questioning your reality, or afraid to speak. If love made you feel small, unsafe, or like a villain for having needs — it was toxic.
Can toxic love cause real mental health issues?
A: Yes. Prolonged emotional abuse, manipulation, and gaslighting can cause anxiety, depression, PTSD symptoms, and self-esteem issues. It’s not “drama” — it’s psychological damage.
Is it my fault I stayed so long?
A: Not at all. Toxic love thrives on manipulation. It confuses your intuition. You stayed because your heart hoped for change. That’s not weakness — that’s humanity.
How toxic love affects your mental health even when there’s no hitting, no yelling?
Sometimes the worst damage doesn’t come from shouting or bruises. It comes from the way you flinch when your phone buzzes. From how you shrink a little every time they sigh. That’s how toxic love affects your mental health — quietly, daily, in ways that feel like nothing… until you’re completely emptied out.
Can anxiety or depression be the result of how toxic love affects your mental health?
It’s not just in your head. The panic. The dread in your chest. The sadness that won’t let up. All of it can be a direct result of how toxic love affects your mental health — especially when you’ve been stuck in survival mode so long you forget what peace feels like.
What does it look like long-term — how toxic love affects your mental health?
You lose yourself. In slow motion. Bit by bit. You forget what you like. You stop laughing. You second-guess your gut. That’s how toxic love affects your mental health over time — it steals your reflection right out from under you.
How toxic love affects your mental health in all the tiny, stupid, everyday moments?
It’s when you rehearse what to say before asking a simple question. It’s when you put their needs ahead of yours, again, because “they’ve had a rough day.” It’s when you stop being a person and start being a peacekeeper. That’s how it gets you.
Can you still feel love even while noticing how toxic love affects your mental health?
Yes. And that’s what makes it so cruel. You’ll still want them. Still miss them. Still crave their approval. That tug-of-war inside you? That’s the proof of how toxic love affects your mental health — love shouldn’t feel like war.
What happens after — how toxic love affects your mental health even when they’re gone?
The silence is loud. You check your phone out of habit. You panic when someone raises their voice — even if it’s not directed at you. The patterns don’t vanish just because the person does.
How toxic love affects your mental health when you start thinking it’s your fault?
They don’t even have to say it outright. They just sigh. Or look disappointed. Or pull away. And suddenly, you’re spiraling, trying to figure out how you messed up again. That’s one of the cruelest ways how toxic love affects your mental health — it rewrites your sense of truth.
What if you’re trying to fix them — is that part of how toxic love affects your mental health?
Yes. Because somewhere along the way, you were made to believe it’s your job. But love isn’t a rehab center, and being their emotional caretaker? That’s not the love you deserve.
How does toxic love affect your mental health when the person is a narcissist?
You’ll feel like you’re going crazy. One minute you’re adored. The next, ignored. Then punished. And just when you try to leave, they pull you back in with a sweet word or fake apology. It’s not love — it’s a trap.
Can you heal from how toxic love affects your mental health?
Yes, you can. But it starts with telling the truth — out loud, even if your voice shakes. Healing doesn’t mean you’re suddenly fine. It means you start remembering who you were before they made you feel like too much, or not enough.
If this post felt like your diary — share it with someone silently suffering.
Or bookmark it for the nights you almost text them again. You’re not crazy. You’re not broken.
You’re just detoxing from a love that never loved you back right. And I see you.